The only person this should scare more than me is you

Fuck you. Fuck your promises. Fuck your reasons. Fuck what you said I meant to you. Fuck what you want me to be for you. Fuck you. I'm not a fucking toy, for you to fucking play with it, to fucking destroy, and to fucking dispose. Thinking about you makes me fucking sick. I regret you with all that is in me.

Everything was perfect until you found a better me than me. And the only thing I hate more than myself for allowing myself to open up my everything to you is the fact that you shit on all of it after I did. I have no more patience for your games. Your fake promises and your lies. You had me thinking I could live with myself again. And then you reminded me why this entire fucking human race boils my blood. I hate you.

I hope to be an eternal reminder of the pain you cause.

...


I can't expect to understand what goes on in your head. Its probably as messy as mine up there. Things can get really complicated, and you don't mean to hurt anybody, but it just sort of...happens. Its out of your control, you had to make a decision. A decision for yourself. And if it meant someone got trampled on in the process, you didn't intend for it, but it had to happen. I've done it. I know the feeling.

But I'll tell you what I'll do that she didn't do: I'll stick around. Yeah, you might not feel like it will ever happen again, but who knows? He might be bad news. Who knows, he might be a jerk. Who knows how long he'll last. He might cause you to remember how happy you were with me. Who's to say that won't happen? I can't lose my cool at you for trying to figure out yourself. Its important that I not create another problem for you to worry about. You need to be sure of as many things as you can to stay sane, in a world of uncertainty about yourself and who you are. So I hope that while you might not know what or who you want, you can know that I'm always your friend, and I'll be there for you, long after he's gone. Long after totally raaaddd awesome cool guy is gone. I'll be there. Because I love you.

I believe we have a future. Its the only thing left for me to believe.


...


Indecision is a terrible, terrible thing.